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A Visit to The Upper Realms

I came to stand before Them.  "Who is Them?", you ask? Them is They, the Eternal Ones, The Divine Ones Who Have Been And Will Alwa...

Monday, December 22, 2014

How Will I Be Remembered?

Mother, How will I be remembered in this lifetime? (As things wind down in Time) As hateful? As Cruel? As a Junkie? Crazy? SELFISH??? I would like to think I've done some good at least... Wasn't all I did in defense of either myself or my Family? Of what is Right and Good? But have I misinterpreted those? And this inability to forgive myself... It is my HELL.... But there is Strength, and Love, and Purpose, and Survival.... There is Grace...and at last, Peace... And yes, Forgiveness. WE ARE ONE.

Sunday, December 7, 2014


Mother and Father, Divine One...The One, Time grows short now, for when it will all begin, or end, depending on how one looks at things, I suppose...So much I have learned, and in learning, only to recognize I still have more to learn...The Wheel turns, on and on...harder now, things become, knowing the future. What must be done...I feel more compassion than anything now, and sadness, and regret...wishing I could have done more for them all...but I cannot look back any longer...there is only forward now. Many stand in my way, try to block my path, I feel...sorry for them when I am at my best...rage when I am at my worst. I feel alone...so much to bear, the weight, it is heavy. I never wanted this. I never asked to wink into existence...yet here I am. And I can only be what I am...what you made me to be.... Each day, each night, I battle, against the enemy...I suppose others do too... So many have become lost to me, others I do not trust their motivations in all this...so, as usual, I fade, I conceal myself...waiting, for YOU.... I am ready now. Are they ready for me?

Monday, November 10, 2014


I left you there, tonight, lying there on the field. Because I know that there are some things worse than Death. Now you will have to face yourself, and what you have done. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you from yourself once again. But I could not, will not, let you betray us again. And that is what you have been doing. Why? I don't know. Perhaps that is YOUR destiny, to always be the betrayer. I never thought it would have been you....each and every time it came as a surprise to me...but not this time. This time around EVERYTHING changes, I can no longer afford to repeat past mistakes. When Judas betrayed Christ for thirteen pieces of silver....he could not face what he had done and hung himself from a tree. I have to ask myself...will your fate be something similar. I turn away from you now. We all do...and walk away from you forever.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

I fall.....

Well, it is only you and I now, my love....I called for you and now you are here....but I didn't know it would cost me everything, all I love is lost to me now.... Why did you do that? Why did you make me destroy everything? Choice, it is a terrible thing... What am I to do now?

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

On Seeing God...

He was a Force, like a Thunderstorm, I could feel him coming....I was terrified...I'd never felt anything like that before...

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Who am I?

I have lived eons.....the weight of Time weighs heavily upon my soul....I try to catch You all....but I fail, You slip between my fingers and I grieve.....the Wheel turns....always....What am I? Why I am here? You mean to tell me I chose this? Is this a mission or a punishment? I cannot rest....and I want Justice....Divine Justice....but who am I to call for it? I try so hard...but does that even mean anything? Am I stuck in this cycle for all eternity? I'm so tired of repeating.....I won't do it again...this time....everything changes..... I'm going to do something different......

Sunday, July 27, 2014

A prayer

Where are You my Brothers? So far away are You.... When will You come?