How Will I Be Remembered?

Mother, How will I be remembered in this lifetime? (As things wind down in Time) As hateful? As Cruel? As a Junkie? Crazy? SELFISH??? I would like to think I've done some good at least... Wasn't all I did in defense of either myself or my Family? Of what is Right and Good? But have I misinterpreted those? And this inability to forgive myself... It is my HELL.... But there is Strength, and Love, and Purpose, and Survival.... There is Grace...and at last, Peace... And yes, Forgiveness. WE ARE ONE.

Fin

Mother and Father, Divine One...The One, Time grows short now, for when it will all begin, or end, depending on how one looks at things, I suppose...So much I have learned, and in learning, only to recognize I still have more to learn...The Wheel turns, on and on...harder now, things become, knowing the future. What must be done...I feel more compassion than anything now, and sadness, and regret...wishing I could have done more for them all...but I cannot look back any longer...there is only forward now. Many stand in my way, try to block my path, I feel...sorry for them when I am at my best...rage when I am at my worst. I feel alone...so much to bear, the weight, it is heavy. I never wanted this. I never asked to wink into existence...yet here I am. And I can only be what I am...what you made me to be.... Each day, each night, I battle, against the enemy...I suppose others do too... So many have become lost to me, others I do not trust their motivations in all this...so, as usual, I fade, I conceal myself...waiting, for YOU.... I am ready now. Are they ready for me?